Marriage Musts #10 - Biggest Fan

 Be your spouse's biggest fan. Cheer on their accomplishments, brag about them to others, encourage them in all aspects of their life. When troubles come, and they will, be there to root them on to victory. Life is like a cross country race (although I am not a runner) and you will hit paths that are rocky and some that are messy and there are times when you will feel like quitting. But, if you have someone there cheering you on toward the finish line, the pain and suffering, the hardships and trials seem to make the reward of finishing the race seem all the more worth while. So, cheer on your spouse and they will return the accolades!

Marriage Musts #9 - Validation

Validate one another. We have found that communication requires validation. When we are discussing something and a miscommunication starts, it is important to validate what the other person is thinking or feeling. Repeat back what they said and ask questions. "Is this what you meant by this?" Instead of jumping to conclusions or taking something that was said and running with it. . .using it as fuel to the fire, make sure you understand what was said or implied. Sometimes it is the way a statement was made or understood that can cause conflict. By validating what the other is saying, conflict might just be averted.

Marriage Musts #8 - Divorce is NOT an option

Divorce has never been an option. When Todd and I started considering marriage we discussed that if we were going to seriously consider marriage, that divorce would never be an option. It would never be brought up in discussion or as a threat. Whatever circumstance we encountered, we decided that we would work it out. Anything worth having is worth waiting for and worth fighting for. We believed going into our marriage that we would never do anything to each other that would injure or hurt the other person. Our job, now that we are one flesh, is to encourage, lift up, and build each other up, no matter what problem we encountered.

Marriage Musts #7 - Have Fun

Have fun! Don't forget to laugh. Life is too short not to enjoy it. Laugh with each other. Don't take everything so seriously. When times get tough enjoy one another's presence. Laughter is the best medicine and will help you get through the tough times.

Marriage Musts #6 - Speak their language

Learn your spouse's love language. How do they feel loved? How do they show love? How do you feel loved? How do you show love? Knowing this will help you better understand your spouse and will help you better understand yourself. When you learn to speak each other's love language, neither one of you will be left wanting.

Marriage Musts #5 - Be Best Friends

Be each others' best friend. Always confide in your spouse. I have friends of the opposite sex, but they don't know my inner most thoughts and feelings. My heart and its contents belong to my spouse. When I have an issue with my spouse, he hears it from me. I confide in him and he in me. We know each others' passwords, have access to each others' accounts. We have no... reason to hide anything from each other. There are not secrets. (Except for the contents of Christmas or other holiday presents ;)) Confiding in friends of the opposite sex can cause so many issues and could lead to an emotional affair. Give your spouse a chance to be your shoulder to cry on, the ear to listen and the sounding board to bounce ideas off. You are there to lift each other up and encourage each other. Todd and I are best friends and there is no one I would rather confide in. . .even if it is about him

Marriage Musts #4 - COmmunication

I think many times couples think that communication means talking at each other. True communication also includes listening and sometimes stopping the mental conversations that go on in our minds. When "comments" or "arguments" start to form in your head, try to stop yourself from feeding those thoughts or acting out on them. Sometimes these thoughts will ...lead to private mental "conversations" with yourself which will "work" you up into a frenzy and if fed will turn into offense. Remember not to attack the one you love based on these private "conversations" Remember that your spouse is not privy to what goes on in your mind. Offense is the bait in the trap and if you give in, you will be the one in bondage to it.