Marriage Musts #17 The Couple that Prays together Stays Together

This is a very complex thing for couples to do and yet a very simple thing.  I will not say that Todd and I sit down together and pray with each other everyday.  But we do pray in unity with one another.  The main reason for this is due to our differing schedules and the very different way we pray.  However, when there is a major decision to be made...such as moving or ministry opportunities or new job opportunities...we will fast and pray and consult God as to the next steps we should take.  We ask Him for direction.  Then we come together and see which way the Lord is leading us.  If we do not agree, we go with the direction Todd feels God is leading us.  Afterall, he is the spiritual leader of our home and he will be the one help accountable in the end.  Many times in our marriage we have fasted and prayed concerning a situation.  Sometimes the answer from God was not what we expected, but at least we could face the situation together.

Marriage Musts #16 Priorities - Don't Bring Work Home

Wow! This is a tough one. It seemed to be a lot easier before we were pastors and lived in a parsonage and worked at the school. When we lived in the Dallas Fort Worth area, we had this 30 minute to and hour commute. During this time, as we drove home, we would discuss what happened during the work day...our struggles, frustrations and our triumphs. Sometimes we would go out to eat and continue discussing (especially if it had been a particularly trying day). We would not discuss it at home. Home is sacred. It is your fortress of solitude, a place to escape. It can be difficult to do this in our current line of work, but we try to make sure that we keep things in the proper perspective. Try to keep your home a home of peace.

Marriage Musts #15 - Priorities - Putting Your Spouse Before Other Family Members

This is a tricky one, but it is so necessary. When Todd and I first became married, we immediately moved to Texas. We lived 12 hours away from all of our families. There was no running home to our parents when times were tough. It was a time before cellphones were popular, so calling parents was expensive and was limited to a once a week conversation. We had to depend on each other. Then right before our eleventh wedding anniversary, Lucian was born. Children take a lot of time and attention. Even though blood is thicker than water, it is important that you don't forget the needs of your spouse. Personal needs always come last. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone put the needs of each other before their own. Imagine what a marriage would be like if each spouse put the other first. No one loses anything. This is what Todd and I strive to do. We are not always successful, but we try and that is what is important.

Marriage Musts #14 Priorities - Putting God First

I think one of the most important things that Todd and I have done in our marriage is prioritizing what is important. In our marriage priorities go like this (in this order) God, Spouse, Child, Ministry/Work, Hobbies/Goals. When you put God first in your relationship, then the rest will follow. At our wedding my brother David White sang a song by Matthew Ward titled "Perfect Union". The words still ring true today...

"There's a love that lasts a lifetime;
a love between a man and wife;
A love so strong it goes beyond all reason;
sent from God above;
a perfect union,...
formed within His hands;
hands that formed the earth, the sky and sea;
still forms hearts together; forming them in three-part harmony;
Though the winds blow and the storms of life set in;
there's a captain who can calm the raging winds;
a miracle just waiting to begin"

There have been many times when the "storms of life" have seemed like they were going to over take us, but having a solid faith in God and praying together, He was able to bring us through it. Marriage is hard. I can't imagine going through it without God being the center of it.

Marriage Musts #13 - No Secrets!

No Secrets! There should never be any secrets between you and your spouse (with the exception of birthday, anniversary and Christmas presents/parties) Secrets breed suspicion, distrust and discord. When you are married you become one flesh. As one flesh you share everything. In our marriage, we both have access to each other's phones, social network passwords, blogs, etc. There are no secrets and it works great for us. When you are open and honest with each other and practice transparency, there are no surprises which will hurt the other person. In sharing everything there becomes a sense of unexpected freedom instead of being in bondage to the secrets.

Marriage Musts #12 - Never Say Never

NEVER say never, or always, when fighting (arguing or discussing). For example. . ."you never" or "you always". These are not true statements and all they do is put the other person on the defensive. This kind of goes along with the validation post I made a few days ago. Accusatory tones cause walls of defensiveness and the spirit of offense to enter the relationship. Once someone becomes defensive, then they move to attack back. It is a vicious cycle.

Marriage Musts #11 - Humor

Humor in the stressful times - When you lock you and your spouse and child out of the house even though you have a guest in the house (who is sleeping) and the keys are inside; and when you lose the internet wi-fi password, remember that patience is a virtue. That everything you have read in my last 10 posts should apply at this moment. Remember that any little issue COU...LD become a large issue...don't make a mountain out of a mole-hill and remember that all these little mishaps become adventures and then become stories which you may share and laugh at later. Yes, this happened today. We kept it light and laughed at each other even when things started getting a little stressed. Remember little things can turn into bigger things, but those things will make amazing funny memories later on.